


I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE

by ncsupnatfan



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-18 20:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3582480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncsupnatfan/pseuds/ncsupnatfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This takes place after season 9, The Captives episode. Mostly Dean's POV and Sam's POV with some dialogue. Short story to vent my frustrations over the conservation they had and Sam walking out on Dean at the end of this episode. Enjoy.  Mild language</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Dean stuffed the last shirt into his duffel before doing one more glance around the room that had been his home for more than a year now. He sighed thinking he was going to miss his memory foam bed and actually having a room of his own, his own personal space to do with as he pleased. The last item he picked up was a worn, ragged edged picture of his Mom. "Hey Mom," he whispered, smiling sadly as he placed it back in his wallet where he had carried it all these years.

He picked up the two duffel bags, looked back one more time before quietly closing the door. He walked down the hall and around the corner to the end room, pausing, laying his palm on the door and bowed his head wishing he could see him one last time. After the "baring of souls" they had, Dean tried to make it work, but he couldn't pretend anymore, he was leaving. Sam didn't need him anymore; in fact he didn't want to have anything to do with him. He finally quit kidding himself that they could work out their differences, he knew now it was just a pipe dream that was not going to happen. Even Kevin's ghost telling them to get over it, didn't seem to effect Sam's actions. He was still cold, heartless, and unforgiving toward him and Dean was through trying to make it work. He was tired of walking around on egg shells, not knowing from one day to the next if words would even be spoken between them. All this was taking toil on him, more than he wanted to admit. He rubbed the mark on his right arm as it seemed to grow warm for a moment. He frowned pulling his shirt down over it, trying not to think about what he had done.

He had tried to explain why he did what he did, but Sam wasn't listening. He had his opinion and reasoning and that was it, nothing else mattered to him. How could he not see Dean had let the angel possess him to save him? Dean's whole life revolved around protecting Sam, everything was for Sam. He had given up more for Sam than he ever knew, of course, Dean would never tell him this. He didn't do it for selfish reasons; he did it out of love for his baby brother. A love that could never be broken, no matter how much they fought and disagreed with each other. There would be a part of him that would always love his baby brother, even if he didn't feel the same way. But Sam's words had cut so deep, deeper than anything else he did in the past ever had; it cut down to his very soul. His soul had been sliced and diced and put thru a meat grinder, leaving an ache he didn't think could ever be repaired. Dean didn't think he could pick himself up and continue on this time, he couldn't take it any more.

Blinking the tears back, Dean turned and made his way toward the garage and his Baby. He paused for a moment to leave his phone by some books on the work table and tuck a note under Sam's computer with two words on it "Good-bye Sam." He walked out of the bunker, to the garage and threw his bags into the trunk. One last thing before he left was to remove the tracking device he had put in the Impala, so Sam couldn't track him. He popped the hood and reached in disconnecting the device and left it on the work bench. He slid behind the wheel relaxing into the seat as his body adjusted and running his hand lovingly over the wheel. He rolled out of the garage and headed to town for one quick stop before disappearing. He needed cash so he couldn't be tracked. If he wanted to disappear, he had to fly under the radar and cover his tracks well and that was one thing he was good at was becoming a ghost, losing himself in the mist of humanity.  
================================================================  
Sam woke early, as usual and began his routine, quick run, shower, breakfast and research. There were still things that had not been searched in the bunker and his thirst for knowledge was unquenchable. He paused as he walked by his brother's door, wondering if they would go through another day of ignoring each other, trying to tip toe around each other without acknowledging the other. He knew he had hurt his brother, more than he had intended, but Dean had made him so mad. Dean could be so stubborn at times, it infuriated him. He was trying to make him understand his feelings and that was one thing Dean was good at hiding. Sam had gone through life having decisions about his life made by someone else. It was like he had no say so about his life. He was tired of it; he was an adult and wanted to be treated as one. Yes, he had made mistakes, but he had tried to make amends for them. He wanted to be the one who decided his fate, not some demon, not some angel and not his big brother. He was trying to be honest and get him to be honest too. Sam swallowed hard and headed out to run and get some of his unspent energy out.

Towel drying his hair, Sam listened carefully to the silence that enveloped him. Usually Dean was up by now and at least had coffee made, but he didn't smell anything. Making his way to the kitchen he saw the cold coffee pot. Shrugging his shoulders, he grabbed the can of coffee and started a pot. Checking the fridge for breakfast food, he found yogurt and an apple. He grabbed a spoon and headed to the table to wait for the coffee. He looked toward the bedrooms, but saw no sign of Dean yet. He frowned wondering what he was doing that he hadn't come out yet. He at least came out for his morning coffee even if he did take it back to his room to drink.  
================================================================  
After visiting the ATM and filling the Impala, Dean headed west out-of-town, with no set destination. It was hours before the sun would be up and he wanted to be miles away from Kansas before Sam found out he was gone, if he even looked or cared. He popped in a cassette and music flooded the car. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, nodding his head to the song. He tried to do anything to take his mind off Sam's words that just wanted to keep bouncing around in his head making him relive their conservation that broke him.  
================================================================  
Sam looked up from the book he was reading and glanced at the clock noticing it was just after noon. That was why his stomach was beginning to rumble. He bit his lower lip wondering why he hadn't seen Dean yet, he never slept this late unless he was sick or they were out all night on a job and didn't get in until early morning. One: they had not been on a job since finding Kevin's mom and that was nearly a week ago. Two: he wasn't sick yesterday and showed no signs of getting sick. Three: he was being Dean, stubborn and hardheaded, par for the course. If he didn't want to see or talk to him fine, two could play at that game, Sam decided as he went back to reading.  
==============================================================  
The miles ticked off as Dean continued north-west. He only stopped for gas, grabbing waters and junk food before hitting the road again. He had driven for nearly sixteen hours and his body was telling him to stop. His eyes felt like permanent grit had found a home and his shoulders ached beyond being tired. There was the beginning of a dull throb building up in his temples that he knew was only going to get worse if he didn't stop to let his body have some needed rest.  
===============================================================  
Sam threw a sandwich together for late lunch/early dinner meal, as he let his emotions get the better of him. He was starting to get pissed off that Dean didn't even bother coming out of his room all day. Now that he really thought about it, he had not heard him going to the bathroom either. Something was off and if he hadn't been so angry, he would have sensed it sooner. The atmosphere in the bunker was different, something was different. He laid his half eaten sandwich down and walked toward the bedrooms stopping at Dean's door and knocking. He waited and knocked again, but still didn't get a response. 

"Dean, hey man you ok?" Sam called as he opened the door. He found his bed made, but his brother was not in sight. "Dean!" he called down the hall, hearing only his echo coming back to him. Turning back around and giving his brother's room another look, he noticed there seemed to be things missing. He began to pull out drawers and saw clothes gone and his duffel bags were missing. Checking one last thing, he found the picture of their Mom gone too. "Damnit!" he growled running toward the garage to see the Impala was not parked in its usual spot. He ran his fingers through his too long hair and stomped back to main room. He was fuming that Dean didn't have to guts to tell him he was leaving. He took the coward's way out, slinking away in the night. This was not like him, his brother never backed away from anything.  
================================================================ It was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open, even the coffee was not helping. Dean knew he was going to have to stop soon before he wrecked. He was trying to decide if he should find a pull off or spent money on a hotel room. Weighting options, he decided on hotel this time, there would probably be plenty of times in the future he would have to sleep in the car, but tonight, he needed rest and a long, hot shower.  
================================================================  
Looking on the desk, Sam finally found his cell and speed dialed Dean's number getting ready to lay into him. He listened to it begin to ring and realized he could hear it near by. Glancing around behind him, he found it lying beside some books Dean had been reading. Madly tossing his phone on the table, Sam grabbed his computer and opened it up noticing a sheet of paper folded under it with his name on it. He picked up the paper and slowly opened it reading the two words written in Dean's bold handwriting, "Good-bye Sam." The paper floated to the floor as Sam's body stiffened and his eyes widened in shock. Dean had not only left the bunker, but had left him. Sam had not seen that coming, sure they were on the outs, but he never thought Dean would disappear. He dropped into a chair and rubbed his hand over his face as he let everything sink in. His brother was gone, he was alone again.  
================================================================ The hotel was small and out-of-the-way, but it was clean. Dean paid for one night and made his way to the back, parking the Impala in front of room 17. He had asked for one away from other guest and on the ground floor. That wasn't much of a problem since it looked like there were only three other cars in the parking lot. It was going on nine pm when he tossed his bags on the floor and dropped on the queen size bed without even undressing. He finally let sleep overtake his bone weary body not even caring that he had missed dinner. Food he could get anytime; sleep, he had to squeeze in when he could.  
===============================================================  
Sam paced from room to room, as he sorted through what he knew. Dean had left the bunker early that morning, before he got up; he left his cell, he took out the tracking device from the Impala, he had used his card at an ATM in town to get cash and had vanished. How could he track him now? Which way would he even head? He had tried calling Garth, Mrs. Tran, and a few other hunters he knew, but no one had seen or heard from Dean. 

Trying to think like Dean, Sam pulled out a map of the United States. He marked the bunker and began looking at the roads leading away from the area. 'I would drive as long as I could to put as much distance between me and the bunker,' Sam thought looking at the clock. It was going on ten pm, so he estimated Dean had probably been driving for around sixteen to eighteen hours, which means he could be over six hundred miles away by now. Six hundred miles could put him any place in the country. One of his biggest obstacles was going to be Dean; if he didn't want to be found, he knew every ruse in the book to stay hidden. Hell, he even invented some of them which were going to make it near impossible to track him. 

Sam rubbed the grit from his eyes and made his way to the bathroom. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and frowned madly. 'He had driven his brother away', he yelled inside his head. This was all his fault, no one else. Was this what he really wanted, deep down inside, was that why he never really tried to make amends with Dean? Had he wanted him to leave, but was to much a coward to tell him or just leave himself? This place, it was a place to work, to do his research, to be a base of operations, but it had never felt like a home for him. He didn't even know what a real home was supposed to feel like. All he knew was moving from one rundown motel to another and living out of the Impala. The closest he got to having a home was with Amelia, when Dean had been trapped in Purgatory. That year felt like another lifetime ago, one he figured he would never experience again.  
================================================================  
"I can't trust you anymore, not the way I thought I could. You say family like it's a cure-all; that it can change the fact that everything that has ever gone wrong between us has been because we're family." Dean dreamed as he tossed in his bed. All the words poured into his subconscious as he tried to fight them off. "You didn't save me for me, you did it for you. I was ready to die, I should have died. You didn't want to be alone."

"If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you would have done the same thing." he heard his voice say, not knowing the next words would feel like a kick in the gut and leave him speechless.

"No Dean, I wouldn't. Same circumstances, I wouldn't." the dream Sam said before walking away.

Dean jerked himself awake realizing the wetness he was feeling on his cheeks were tears. Tears he had not shed before now. He brushed them madly away and tried to reign in his emotions, stuffing them deep into the darkest recesses of his mind, as he plopped back down. Damn, he needed a good nights sleep, he thought throwing an arm across his face. It had been weeks since he slept more than an hour at a time without some dark dream waking him. He wasn't sure how much longer his body would be able to endure this kind of treatment.  
===============================================================  
Sam tossed and turned in his bed as he tried to sleep, but all he could think about was where had his brother gone? He kept beating himself up over how he had treated him and to have let this rift between them get so wide. He was afraid it was getting so huge he wouldn't be able to cross it and mend things with Dean. 'Dean where are you?' he muttered switching to his other side. Somewhere between consciousness and the thin veil of sleep, where his inhibitions were at their lowest, Sam caught a glimpse of Dean in a hotel room with some sort of western theme. 'Dean went west,' Sam thought as he slipped one level deeper into sleep, but a sleep that wasn't without its demons.  
================================================================  
Dean finally gave up on sleep and stumbled to the bathroom to try and wash some of the tiredness out of his body. He turned the hot on as hot as he could stand it before stepping into the spray. He sucked in a deep breath as the hotness beat tension and stress from his knotted shoulders. He let his head fall to his chest as the water worked at easing some of the fatigue he felt. He quickly washed his hair and lathered his body, before running out of hot water. He stayed in the spray until the water began to cool. He toweled and slipped on clothes. Feeling almost human again, he wandered back to the room and started a pot of coffee.  
===============================================================  
Sam looked at the map again, finding the mark for the bunker and looking west of it. His dream showed western designs, he remembered that much, so Dean could have gone north-west or south-west. He traced the lines for the interstates, looking at each destination carefully. Sam closed his eyes and concentrated on his dream and his brother. He let his mind go blank and centered all his thoughts on Dean, reaching deep, looking for that connection that had always been there, but that he had not used in a long time. When had they drifted so far apart? It used to be so easy for them to connect when they were younger. He finally caught a glimpse of a road sign that read Interstate 25 North, but nothing else. It had been a long time since he had tried to connect with Dean like they had when they were kids, but he kept pressing, trying to see more. He shut everything else out, thinking solely about his brother. A glimpse of a gas station flashed, then a motel and finally just the open highway. So he figured he was probably somewhere in Wyoming, at least that was a start he decided, rubbing his head as a small, throbbing pain started to build in his temples.  
================================================================  
Dean took another sip of the hot coffee as he scanned the local paper for anything unusual that might be a job. He knew he had to be careful what he hunted, since he had no backup now, but did it really matter? Nothing caught his eye, so he tossed it aside and pulled his laptop in front of him. He began to tap the keys pulling up search engines, to search the net. He blinked several times as a pinprick of an ache appeared behind his eyes and then it disappeared. He rubbed his eyes and stared back at the screen again, shaking it off as stress. He scrolled through several articles until one caught his attention. A body was found on the outskirts of a small town fifty miles away. There weren’t many details, but it could be something worth checking out. He wrote down some details and logged out, closing the laptop and tossing it in his bag. He gathered up his things, giving the room one last look before walking out to the Impala. He checked a road atlas to decide the best route that would keep him off the more traveled roads and away from people. He figured the fewer he saw, the less likely he would run into someone he knew and word would get back to his brother.  
===============================================================  
Sam finished packing his bag and grabbed his computer bag, before leaving the bunker. He threw the bags in back of an older model blue Chevy Nova, then got behind the wheel and drove toward the interstate. Now that he had a direction, he was determined to find Dean before he did something stupid. He knew Dean and that scared him. He knew he wasn't in his right mind at the moment and could only picture the worse. He didn't want to lose his big brother, not with the unresolved issues still between them. He turned on the radio to escape the silence that surrounded him. Aloneness pushed in on him making him uncomfortable and depressed. This was not what he had wanted when he stood up to Dean. He didn't want them to be torn apart by it, only make him see how wrong he had been to let an angel possess him.  
===============================================================  
After changing clothes at a gas station, Dean drove to the small police station to gather information on the body found. It seemed strange doing this without Sam. He was always the one who could small talk the locals and get what they needed. He put on his best FBI face and steeled himself as he entered the lobby. Thirty minutes later, he had a copy of the police report and autopsy report in hand. Noticing it was getting close to dinner time, he decided to grab some take out, before getting a room at the local motel to go over the information he had obtained.  
================================================================  
It was getting late when Sam stopped for gas and bathroom break. He was trying to decide how much further he could drive before stopping for the night. He figured with a little caffeine in him, he was good for several more hours. Catching up with his brother was top priority now. Hopefully his gut feeling was right and he was heading in the right direction. He would check online, once he stopped to see if there were any articles that might be a case that would attract his brother. If nothing else, Dean was going to hunt, it was so ingrained in his DNA; he would never give it up.  
================================================================  
The police report wasn't much help. Dean tossed it aside and pick up the autopsy report and skimmed through it once and then re-read it more slowly a second time. Cause of death was listed as a wild animal attack, but no one could identify exactly what type of wild animal it was. In other words, the locals didn't have a clue, Dean thought deciding he would need to visit the morgue in the morning. He grabbed the remote and slouched on the bed trying to get comfortable as he started flipping through the channels. Finally finding a rerun of and old Clint Eastwood movie, he settled to watch without really watching. Before long, sleep sent him spiraling into a restless slumber. 

He dreamed of Sam standing over him, as he lay dying, telling him no I won't save you. He moaned in his sleep and fought with the pillow as the dreamscape shifted to a darker and torturous time of when he was in Hell. His on screams tore him from sleep around 3 am. Sitting up and gasping for breath, he tried to figure out where he was. Then he remembered leaving the bunker, driving and finding a possible case. He drug himself out of bed and to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. After relieving himself and washing his hands, he laid back down to see if he could relax enough to try and get another few hours of sleep.  
===============================================================  
After three more hours of driving, Sam knew he needed to find a motel for the night. He could hardly hold his eyes open and wrapping the car around a telephone pole or tree was not going to help him find Dean. He found a motel and checked in for the night, planning on getting an early start the next morning. He tossed his bag on the bed, found his travel bag and headed for the bathroom.

Sam scooped up the remote and started channel surfing until he found some random program. He lowered the volume and made himself comfortable on the bed, letting the noise lull him to sleep. Sam's mind drifted in slumber as visions darkened his subconscious, pain, torture, and screaming woke him suddenly. He looked at the clock and saw it was 3 am. Whatever that dream was, it was like he was standing on the sidelines only observing. It was not something that he had experienced and this troubled him. Wiping his face and taking some deep breaths, he calmed enough to get back to sleep.  
===============================================================  
Dean pulled himself off the bed and stretched, trying to work the stiffness out of his body. He felt sluggish and wiped out. He needed coffee and some food, hoping that would make him feel better. Then he needed to check out the body at the morgue. With a plan in place, he quickly changed clothes so he could head for the diner and then on to the morgue. The sooner he figured out what was doing the killing, the sooner he could track it down and hopefully his plan would work.  
================================================================  
The sun was just cresting the mountains when Sam rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom for a quick shower so he could get back on the road again. He planned on getting gas, something quick to eat and be out of there fast. He wanted to try and find Dean's trail before it got too cold. He knew it was going to be harder since he was using cash and would probably be covering his tracks very carefully. Sam was going to have to use all his training and skills to catch up with him.  
================================================================  
The morgue was located in the basement of the hospital and Dean took the elevator down hoping there wouldn't be any gun ho staff on duty. Luck was with him, the assistant was the only one there and he seemed easy to intimidate.

"I'm here to see the John Doe body." he growled flipping out his badge.

"Er-r which one?" he asked nervously.

"Come again?"

"We have two now, another was brought in early this morning."

"Let me see both and can I get the report on the second one?"

"Coroner hasn't autopsied the body of the second victim yet." he replied, going to a wall of drawers and pulling one out and pointing to the table for the newest arrival.

"Thanks, I can take it from here." 

Dean watched the guy leave and pulled down the sheet of the first victim. He noted his throat was ripped out along with his chest ripped open. There were bite marks up and down the arms and legs. He checked the other one and saw similar injuries. Both bodies were slashed much worse than any normal animal would do. He looked closely at the wounds, snapping pictures with his phone, before covering them and returning the one to its drawer. Making his way back to the elevator, he decided to head back to the motel and research a few possible ideas.  
================================================================  
Sam tapped the keys on his lab top searching quickly through articles looking for anything his brother might think was a case and want to investigate. He centered his searches to the north-western part of the country, hoping to narrow down where to look. He speared another bite of salad and munched as an article caught his eye. 'Two gruesome deaths in less than a week have rocked the small town of Garrett, Wyoming. Officials have ruled the deaths to be the act of a wild animal attack and have park rangers and animal control scouring the area…' This was something his brother would want to check out, he was sure of it. Pulling out his map, he found the town was about six hours north of his location. His gut was telling him he was on the right track. He quickly downed the last of his tea, grabbed his computer and tossed some money on the table before heading for his car. With the map laid out in the passenger seat, he steered the car back to the interstate and toward Garrett, hoping he would find Dean and be able to convince him to come back.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Sonofabitch!" Dean swore as he read over the article he had pulled up. He knew he had found the creature responsible for the killings and it wasn't good, it was a Rougarou. A Rougarou was kin to the werewolf, but much more dangerous. It could change at anytime, not just on the full moon cycle. It was more powerful with enhanced abilities and senses than the normal werewolves he had been up against. This was more than he bargained foe, but it would hopefully make what he had planned easier. Crap he thought grabbing a beer from the mini-frig and taking a sip. Dean started making a mental list of what he would need and if there was anything he would need to pick up. It was several hours before sunset and he wanted to be ready, this was going to end tonight. No more innocent people were going to die on his watch.   
===============================================================  
Sam pulled into the motel parking lot and glanced around looking for his brother's Impala. He didn't see it, so he parked in front of the office and went in hoping to find his brother's room number. After several white lies, he found out Dean had checked in couple of nights ago and was still in room 19. Making sure no one was watching, Sam picked the lock and slipped into the room, letting the door silently close behind him. 

Looking around the room, he spotted Dean's bag, lap top and a couple of files laying on what would have been his bed. He paused for a moment as old memories flood his thoughts. Curious to see what he had found, Sam flipped open the folders and skimmed through the contents. He opened the laptop and brought up the last sites Dean had visited. Sam's face paled and an uneasiness inched its way up his spine. Holy crap, Dean thought he was dealing with a Rougarou. He remembered they hunted one with Dad and it had taken all three of them to take it down and still Dean had gotten injured, only because he put himself between it and him, protecting him as he always did. This was not good, not good at all. He needed to find his brother and fast before he got himself killed. That thought made him stop in his tracks wondering if that was Dean's intention, to let himself be killed. Sam scooped the files up and headed back to his car. It was already getting dark and he knew he needed to hurry. He found the locations of both murders on the map and determined the quickest route to get him to the mark Dean had circled.   
================================================================  
Dean silently made his way toward where the last body was found. He was in full hunter mode now and every one of his senses was on high alert. He had been trained from an early age to use all of his senses to track his prey. Honed over the years, he embraced the warrior within him. He listened as the stillness of the night surrounded him and scanned the darkness enveloping him. He smelled the silky breeze that played its way across his face bringing a dampness he could taste. Moving again, he watched every shadow and listened to every noise, trying to discern the one out-of-place. The area he was searching was between the two kills, so he hoped his hunch was right, the Rougarou would stay in the area it had marked as its hunting grounds.  
==============================================================  
The headlights swept over a black Impala as Sam made his way down the dirt road. He pulled over in front of it and jumped out checking the car for Dean. Seeing it empty, he popped his trunk and armed himself before heading into the woods. He paused at the beginning of the forest and search for that connection again. Feeling a pull, he headed in that direction, hoping he was right. Sam had a really bad feeling about this and was sure Dean would not get out this unscathed. He was pissed at him for not calling for help, this was not a one man job and he knew it. What was even worse, he knew Dean would know this too. ==============================================================  
The half-moon slipped out from behind a scattering of clouds and gave Dean a small amount of light to search the woods around him. The hairs on the back of his neck were standing up and he knew he was being watched by someone or something just out of sight, in the deep shadows. He tensed his body, as he turned his head slightly to the left, readying the silver knife he clutched in one hand and his gun in the other. He wasn't expecting to come out of this fight alive, but he was damn sure going to take the monster down with him.

The Rougarou rushed Dean so fast he barely had time to get an arm up to protect his neck. He felt claws rip through his left jacket arm, gouging his upper arm and raking down the side of his body, as he was knocked off his feet. He grunted in pain when he felt ribs crack, but managed to get a leg up between them, knocking the beast to the side long enough to gain his footing. He tried to draw in a breath and felt the pain in his chest. Dean managed to get a shot off, before it charged again. The shot slowed it down enough for him to side step slightly, not taking the full force of the beast head on. He was batted to the ground, knocking the breath out of him.

The monster spun and raked a clawed hand across Dean's shoulder and down his back, ripping jacket, shirt and skin, causing the hunter to cry out in pain. It backhanded Dean, sending him staggering further into the clearing. Dean was grabbed again and he stabbed with the silver knife, connecting, making a small gash on the Rougarou's arm only to be struck on the side of his head ripping a nasty gash at the hair line. The beast howled with pain, as he began to transform back to human form. Knowing this was the time to strike, with his remaining strength, Dean aimed and fired two shots into the man's heart, ending his life. He fell back to the ground as he felt blood seeping from his wounds and darkness clouded his mind as he tried to draw in a raspy breath, wishing he could tell Sammy he was sorry. It was getting harder to breath, but he made no attempt to get up or stop his life blood from bleeding into the soil. He always said when his time came, he wanted it to be in battle. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would, he was starting to feel numb and coldness seeped into this body.  
===============================================================  
Sam heard a shot not far ahead, so he increased his pace scanning with his flashlight for any sign of his brother. He paused for a second until he heard Dean scream and a furious howl followed. He broke through the bushes in time to see Dean fire two shots at a naked man and collapse in a heap. Damnit, he cursed running to his brother's side.

"Dean, man can you hear me?" he cried carefully turning him over on his back. He felt wetness on his hand and saw it was covered in blood. He started checking his brother's body for injuries finding the deep gashes that were bleeding heavily. He had a head wound, possible fractured ribs and he was pretty sure he had a collapse lung. Sam pulled out his vial of holy water and poured it on as many wounds as he could. He fished out Dean's vial and used it too. Grabbing pressure bandages from his bag, he began to wrap and tie them so he could control the bleeding enough to get him to a hospital. He listened to his brother gasping for air and wheezing as Dean waded his shirt in one of his fist trying to fight through the pain. He worked faster determined that his brother wasn't dying tonight.

Sam knew he needed to get the air out of Dean's chest so he could breath easier. He took his flashlight and rummaged in Dean's bag looking for something hollow he could use. Finally finding a straw in the bottom of the bag, he pulled out a sharp knife and jerked Dean's shirt up exposing his chest. Sam had only read about this procedure, but had never actually done it. He steadied his hands as he felt for the right place between two ribs to make the incision. 

"Sam…" Dean muttered halfway opening his eyes. "Let me go." he sputtered in a choking voice. "Stop, can't breath."

"No, you're not dying." Sam spat at him madly. "I'm not going to let you."

"Stop…No more..." he started but darkness drew him under before he could finish.

"This is going to hurt Dean, now don't move." Sam cautioned slipping the knife between his ribs making the cut. He quickly guided the straw in the incision, waiting and watching, allowing the excess air to escape so Dean could breath easier. He wiped his hands and tapped gauze around the straw to hold it in place.

"Hang on Dean, I'm going to get you out of here." 

Dean moaned painfully, but didn't wake up. After tending his injuries as best he could, Sam quickly drug the body of the Rougarou deeper into the brush and then hefted Dean over his shoulder, trying to be careful of the incision he had made and headed for the car as fast as he could. He ignored the wetness seeping down his neck and back as he fought his way through the brush and to the Impala.

Sam leaned Dean up against the Impala so he could search his pockets for the keys. He finally dug them out and got him into the back seat, checking to be sure he was still breathing. Dean's breathing came out in short shallow pants that were getting weaker. Racing to the driver's side he jumped in and wheeled the car around heading for town.  
===============================================================  
"I need help here." Sam yelled as he half dragged, half carried his brother into the emergency room.

An orderly and nurse hurried to him steering him to an open bed in the ER. They helped get Dean onto the bed and pushed Sam out-of-the-way.

"You need to wait out there." the nurse ordered as she began to remove the dressings and cut away Dean's shirt exposing the deep wounds. Sam not wanting to leave his brother, eased to the side and watched as they starting taking vitals and getting an IV started. 

"Sir, please, take a seat in the waiting room." he was ordered again by the nurse.

Reluctantly, Sam found a chair and slumped into it. He looked down at his bloody hands and began to wipe them on his pants trying to get his brother's blood off. This wasn't the first time he had to wait in a hospital waiting room to find out if his brother was going to live or not.

"We need to notify the operating room." he heard a nurse saying from behind the curtain. "We're losing him." 

Sam stiffened as he drew in a deep breath, before getting startled when an aide brought over some paperwork to be filled out for Dean. His hands began to shake and his eyes blurred with tears as he tried to read the questions and answer them. He couldn't lose his big brother, not before he could make it right with him.

Dean was taken to surgery as Sam watched anxiously from the hall. Dean had been incubated and a nurse was steadily pushing air into his lungs. He followed them down a hall and was shown another waiting area for surgery patients. At least he was alone in the room with his thoughts.

Sam berated himself for letting this rift between then continue to grow. What if something happened to Dean in surgery? What if he didn't make it? Sam fell on the couch dropping his head into his hands rubbing his temples. He knew Dean was in serious shape and had lost a lot of blood. His only thought was please let me have gotten him here in time, he couldn't die, not yet. The one thought that kept trying to creep into his mind was, what if Dean didn't fight to live, what if he gave up? What if Sam had pushed him away so hard that he wanted to die? Questions bombarded his thoughts as he paced the waiting room anxious for someone to tell him Dean's condition. Several hours passed as he moved from standing to sitting to slouching. His eyes were so heavy as he tried to stay alert, but the combination of stress, no sleep, and worry caused him to drift off. Sam jerked awake as he heard the door of the waiting room open. He jumped up when a doctor approached him.

"Dean Nash family?"

"Yes, yes, I'm his brother." Sam replied.

"He made it through surgery, there was a lot of blood loss, we had to give him a blood transfusion, he had deep gashes on his arm, side and back, fractured ribs, one of the ribs caused a pneumothorax, head laceration, things will be touch and go over the next 24 hours. He has a chest tube to keep the lung inflated, that will need to stay in several days. We have him mildly sedated and he's on strong pain meds so he can rest."

"Please, I need to see him. I need to be there when he wakes so he won't be alone." Sam pleaded. "He needs to know he's not alone."

"He's in recovery now, when they get him set up in ICU I'll have the nurse come and get you. It'll probably be about an hour. We'll keep him there for the next 24 hours and if he is still doing well, we'll move him to a private room." he finally said after seeing how concerned Sam was for his brother.

"Thank you." he whispered, letting his body relax some knowing at least Dean was alive. 

He glanced at his watch noticing it was after 2 am and he was running on empty. He shuffled next door and fumbled in his pockets for change to get a cup of coffee.  
============================================================

"Sir." a nurse called softly to Sam from the door. "You can see your brother now." 

Sam rushed to her side tossing his empty coffee cup in the trash. He followed her out of the room and down the hall toward ICU.

"He's in room seven."

"Thank you." 

Sam slowly made his way into ICU room seven, letting his eyes adjust to the dim lighting. Dean looked so small and still laying in the bed with tubes and equipment hooked up to his body. He made his way over to the bed, pulling a chair as close as he could and sat down.

"Hey Dean." he whispered taking his hand. He squeezed it gently and looked into his big brother's bruised face. It was pinched and pale, letting every freckle stand out across his nose. Sam brushed tears off his cheeks as he closed his eyes and said a silent prayer. "I'm here man, you're going to be alright. Please Dean you have to come back to me." he sobbed quietly, laying his head by Dean's hand on the bed.  
================================================================  
Pain was the first sense Dean felt as he tried to pull himself out of the fog that had enveloped his brain. His body didn't want to respond when tried to pry his eyes open. He could hear the steady beat of machines around him and felt something cool blowing onto his nose. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't pull himself out of this fog as it overtook his mind once again. Before going back into the darkness, he thought he heard a familiar voice say his name, but couldn't respond. He could feel himself floating away and let the nothingness surround him.  
================================================================  
He tried to draw in a deep breath, but intense pain stopped him. He batted at the oxygen mask on his face trying to push it off.

"Dean, stop, it's ok, you're in a hospital, stop struggling! You're going to pull the tube out of your chest." Sam insisted as he held his brothers hands down and tried to make him aware he was safe. "Stop it! Dean." Sam tried again as the machines began to beep irately. A nurse rushed in with a sedative she injected into his IV line.

"We may need to restrain him…" she started.

"No! No he's calming down, he'll freak out if you tie him down." Sam told her as Dean began to relax and the machines settled down.

"Ok, for now, but he can't pull out that tube." she cautioned.

"I'm not leaving him, I'll be sure he stays calm." Sam said settling back down in his chair, but keeping a grip on Dean's hand.

"Why don't I get you a cup of coffee." she smiled sympathetically.

"Thanks." he nodded rubbing a hand down his face and around his neck. He massaged the tight muscles of his neck and sighed. The kind nurse was back a few minutes later with a cup of coffee. He accepted it with a thankful smile. He opened the sugar packets and poured them into the cup stirring briefly before taking a sip. So much better than the crap from the machine, he sighed.  
===============================================================  
The sedative began to lose its hold on Dean as he pushed back the veil trying to focus on what his hand was feeling. His mind wasn't cooperating as he moved his fingers, twitching them through Sam's hair. Sam jerked awake and grabbed Dean's hand and squeezed hard.

"Dean, Dean, you're in the hospital, so don't panic. They had to put in a chest tube 'cause you had a collapsed lung. Come on man, can you open your eyes for me." Sam encouraged as he continued to whisper into his ear. "Squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

Dean's eyes flickered and opened halfway. Sam saw the movement and smiled as he felt a slight squeeze on his hand. Dean turned his head slightly toward Sam trying to speak.

"It's ok, I'm here big brother, try to rest, I won't leave you." Sam said carding his hand through his hair to calm him. Dean leaned into his hand and let his eyes close. Sam wiped a tear that sneaked out of Dean's eye as he let them slide out of his own. He closed his eyes as he searched for that thin thread that linked him to his brother. He knew it was there, but it had been dormant for a long time. He felt a tiny spark trail down that thread as he swallowed back the lump in his throat, Sam knew his brother still had a ways to go.  
===============================================================  
The haze was finally lifting as Dean tried to draw in a deep breath. He blinked to clear the haze in his eyes and bring the room into focus. He heard the gentle snores of his brother as he lay on the bed by his hand. Dean smiled to himself as he saw the innocence in his face, but also the lines of stress and fatigue. He shifted slightly and heard one of the machines beep angrily.

Alerted by the alarm, Sam jerked his head wiping the drool and stared at Dean. Tired green eyes started back into his hazel ones.

"Dean, about time you woke up." he smirked. "Thought you were going to sleep the day away."

Dean wet his cracked lips and tried to speak, but could only make a croaking sound. He pushed at the oxygen mask, knocking it aside.

"You need to leave that on, I'll get the nurse." Sam cautioned putting it back in place. "Just lay still."

Ten minutes later Sam returned with Dean's doctor. 

"Mr. Nash, how are you feeling?" the doctor asked looking at his chart. He checked the machines and then turned back to him. 

"H'rt..." he managed to gasp out.

"Your throat's going to be sore for a few days, as long as your lung stays inflated, we'll remove the chest tube in a day or so. You'll need to rest so your body can heal." 

"M-m-sk" he tried again pulling at the mask.

"I think we can change it to a canula." the doctor nodded going to a cabinet and pulling one out to replace the mask. "He'll be administered pain meds every four hours, let the nurse know if the pain gets worse."

"I will." Sam said still gripping Dean's hand as he watched his brother carefully. The doctor put an oxygen canula into Dean's nose and adjusted the flow.

"I'll have the nurse bring you some ice chips and write-up an order to move him to a private room later this evening." he told Sam as he wrote in his chart.

"Thank you Doctor."

"Be sure he takes it easy and rest."

"I will."

The nurse came by a few minutes later with ice chips for Dean. Sam took the cup and spoon from the nurse. He slipped a few pieces of ice into his brother's mouth and watched him like a hawk, making sure he could handle them. Dean leaned his head back and lavished the cool liquid as it trickled down his parched throat. Water had never tasted so good as he crunched his eye brows to Sam wanting more. Sam spooned more into his mouth and wiped it as some dripped out the corner. Dean frowned and turned his head, slightly perturbed Sam was treating him like a baby.

"Get over it." Sam chided.

"Bitch." a raspy voice shot back.

"Jerk." he smiled happy to hear his voice. 

Dean accepted one more spoon before raising his hand he'd had enough for now. 

"Why don't you try to rest before they move you."

"'ammy..." he whispered so softly Sam barely heard him, before closing his eyes. Sam sat down in the chair sighing with relief.   
===============================================================  
"We're moving him to room 267. Once we have him settled, you can come in." the nurse instructed Sam as she led him out of the room. Sam waited outside listening the movement inside.

"Sonofabitch." he heard his brother curse along with some other unintelligible words.

Sam looked up and shook his head smiling to himself. After a few more minutes, Dean was wheeled out of the room and down the hall. Sam trailed along behind them watching a pained expression consuming Dean's face with each bump the bed made.   
================================================================  
"We've got him settled and I gave him something for the pain that should get him through the night. If you need anything let us know." she told Sam holding open the door.

"Thank you." he replied. 

Sam made his way over to Dean's bed and gave him a quick once over. He seemed to be resting easier and didn't have as much equipment attached now. He tossed his jacket in one chair and moved the recliner closer to the bed.

"Sam." a hoarse voice whispered.

"Dean, you ok? Is something wrong?"

"No, go get a motel room, get some sleep." he winced.

"I'll be fine. You just rest."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not."

"Go." he growled turning away from him.

"And let you try to sneak out of here." Sam argued crossing his arms over his chest. "You're in no shape to go anywhere, at least not until your chest tube comes out."

Dean's features darkened, upset that Sam had figured out his plan. He was going to ditch this place as soon as Sam left, that is, if he could get himself out of this bed. 

"Besides, I have your car keys and clothes." This just made his frown deepen. "Dean, I'm not stupid, I know you, you'd try to leave and injure yourself worse. So no, I'm staying right here. The question is, do I need to handcuff you?" he continued making himself comfortable in the chair. 

Dean huffed madly and tried to reposition himself letting escape a soft moan. "Need help?" Sam asked standing up quickly. Dean glared daggers at him just daring him to help. Sam sighed knowing that look and settled back.

Dean pushed his pain down, he hated Sam seeing him like this. He was the big brother and he was supposed to take care of Sam, not the other way around. If he could just figure a way of getting him out of the room, maybe he could make his escape. 

He began to take inventory of his injuries and how disabled he was. Dean looked over at Sam who had passed out in the recliner snoring and drooling. What he couldn't understand was what Sam was doing here and how he had found him so quickly. They had barely spoken to each other since they had rescued Mrs. Tran and Kevin's ghost went with her. Sam could barely be in the same room with him and yet he had come after him. He couldn't wrap his head around it right now, his brain didn't want to work. They must have him on the good pain meds because his brain felt scrambled and he couldn't focus. He let the mist envelope his mind and draw him under into the realms of sleep.  
================================================================  
The next couple of days were a blur for Dean. The pain meds kept him sedated enough that he wasn't able to sneak out. Sam was the ever watchdog, making sure he did what the doctor and nurses said. The chest tube was removed and his pain meds were changed to less potent ones on the third day. Dean was beginning to have more awake time and decided he was ready to get out of the hospital. His one road block was his little brother. Sam would not leave him alone long enough for him to disappear. 

The nurse came in with his medication. "How you feeling?" she whispered eyeing his sleeping brother.

"I've been better." he grunted painfully, shifting slightly.

"These should help you rest." she said giving him a couple of sleeping pills. "Would you like some more ice water?"

"Yes." he said palming the pills and sipping the water. "Would you mind bringing my brother some too?"

"I'd be happy to." she smiled glancing over at Sam who was still asleep. She checked his IV and left returning with two cups of ice water. He thanked her and continued to sipped the water. Checking to be sure Sam was still asleep, he dropped the pills into the other cup and stirred it being sure they dissolved.

Fifteen minutes later Dean grunted at Sam, "Sleeping beauty, hey." he mumbled touching his brother's hand.

"Yeah, what?" Sam jumped shaking the sleep away.

"I need to take a leak and… I need help."

"Do you want me to get a nurse?"

"No! Just help me sit up."

"Wait! Let me raise the bed up. Easy, watch your arm. Sit here a moment, ok." Sam told him holding Dean on the side of the bed. Dean was panting as he willed himself not to pass out. Sweat popped out on his forehead as tried to catch his breath. "You ok?"

Dean nodded yes and carefully put his weight on his legs. They threatened to buckle before Sam put an arm around his waist and tried to take the brunt of his weight. Dean managed to shuffle his feet toward the bathroom letting Sam guided him.

"Got it." he told his brother grabbing the sink for support.

"Dean I really..."

"Sam! I got it!"

"Ok! I'll be right here." he said pulling the door halfway closed and waited for his stubborn brother to finish. He heard the water running and peeked in. He grabbed Dean's arm steering him to the bed.

"You ok?"

"Yeah." he winced settling back on the bed. Sam lowered the bed slightly watching his brother's face judging his pain level. "You need something for pain?"

"No, I'll be ok. Here, had the nurse bring you some ice water too." he nodded to the cup sitting on his tray. He took the other and sipped it watching his brother out of the corner of his eyes.

"Thanks." he said accepting the cup and drinking. 

Dean kept watching as he drank most of the water. Sam settled back in the chair and closed his eyes. Dean rested for about an hour before looking back over at Sam.

"Sam. Can you hear me?" 

He didn't get a response and knew he had thirty minutes before the nurse came back in. He pushed back the covers and raised the bed so he could ease to the edge. He gritted his teeth as he put his weight on his legs hoping they would hold him up. He made it to the closet with his clothes and slipped them out. He was sweating and in pain by the time he got his clothes on and was ready to leave.

Dean looked at Sam one more time before opening the door to make his escape. He couldn't stay here with Sam. Even hurt, it didn't change what had happened between them. He needed to leave and not look back, find some place to hole up far away from here.

He knew the elevator was below his room and headed that way. Hopefully no one would stop him since he couldn't get but one arm into his shirt and his jacket was hanging over his shoulders. He knew Sam would have parked his car close to an exit and looked at the signs as he exited the elevator. Following them to the emergency room, he kept his head down and walked as normal as he could out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"So how are you…" the nurse started as she entered the room and saw the bed was empty. She glanced in the bathroom but saw it empty too. "Sam, wake up!" she urged Sam shaking his shoulder.

"Mm-mm what the…" Sam asked trying to push the cotton out of his head and get rid of the bad taste in his mouth.

"Where's your brother, Dean?" she asked him pointing at the bed.

"He's…" Sam started and saw the bed empty. "Damnit! He drugged me." he growled angrily looking at the cup of water. Jumping up, he headed out the door and toward the elevator. "Come on." he twitched waiting for it to come as he shook his body trying to throw off the sluggishness.  
=============================================================  
Dean saw his Baby parked in a small lot off the side of the hospital. He slowly made his way toward it catching his breath as his stitches pulled and his vision blurred slightly. Feeling under the back fender, he pulled out his spare key. Sammy thought he was so smart, he didn't know Dean had placed a spare key on the car.

Opening the door, he sat down glad to be off his feet. Twisting his body into the car sent waves of pain coursing throughout his body, causing him to see black spots dance in front of his eyes. Nothing came into focus for several minutes as he looked out the windshield. Won't do that again, he thought dragging in a shallow breath. He put the keys in the ignition and helplessly looked at the open door trying to figure out how the hell was he going to get it closed without ripping something open.

"Real cute, Dean." Sam said giving him the best bitch face he could muster. Dean looked guiltily up into Sam's face mad, at being caught. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Anywhere but here."

"You drugged my water, didn't you?"

"So."

"Damnit Dean! You nearly died and…"

"Can it Sammy, I'm fine."

"Ok, then close this door." he said stepping back and watching Dean bite his lip as he tried to reach out and pull the door shut. He only succeeded in doubling over in pain and cursing under his breath.

"Well?" Sam asked, standing with his arms crossed and tapping his foot on the ground.

"I hate you."

Dean grunted trying to move into a more comfortable sitting position in the car. He was not going back into the hospital no matter what Sam said.

"Get over it, come on we're going back inside."

"No."

"Yes."

"I'm checking myself out."

"Like hell you are."

"Been there, didn't like it very much." he said glaring at Sam.

"Dean, you're acting childish."

"Bite me."

"Fine!" Sam yelled slamming the door shut. "Go ahead, see how far you get before wrecking your Baby."

This got Dean's attention. There was no way he would put Baby in harms way. He hated being wrong, especially with his little brother. He was the strong one, he couldn't let his injuries get the best of him.

"And what were you going to do once you left?"

"Find some place to hole up."

"And if you couldn't?"

"I'd think of something."

"Drop the tough guy act Dean, let me help." Sam sighed knowing the unresolved issues between them was not helping matters.

"Why do you care? I thought this was business only? Why did you help me anyway? Why did you even come looking for me?" he growled. Crap why couldn't he keep his mouth shut, he thought. He didn't mean for that to come out as rough as it did.

Sam clenched his jaw tightly with anger and tried to hide the hurt from his brother's words. He looked his brother in the eye, turned and walked away. Dean saw the hurt look on Sam's face and kicked himself. He let his head fall on his chest and furred his brows mad at himself. He had to figure what he was going to do now. He would not go back to the bunker and the way it was before.

Being lost in thought and trying to push the pain down, he didn't notice Sam was back until he jerked the door open startling him. 

"Move over, I'm driving. I signed you out, got you some pain meds, you're in no shape to drive."

Dean reluctantly and painfully shifted his body over to the passenger side. Sam slid behind the wheel, opened the meds and gave Dean a couple of white pills and a bottle of water. He swallowed the pills with a sip of water and looked down at his feet not sure what to say to Sam. Sam pulled out of the lot and on the highway heading out of town.

Dean could feel the meds starting to pull him under and had to say something before he allowed that to happen. "Sammy, what I said." he mumbled trying to stay alert. "Didn't mean…" he tried to continue, but the drugs pulled him under and he was lost in the darkness before he could finish his sentence.

Sam's shoulders slumped slightly as he listened to his brother trying to apologize. He jerked a blanket from the back and tossed it over him for warmth. They needed to talk, but only after Dean healed and was able to have a civil conservation, if that was possible for them.  
================================================================  
Sam eased the car off the road and into the gas station. He looked over at Dean seeing he was still out. He filled the car and went in the store for a pit stop and couple of waters. He shook a couple more pills out and shook Dean's shoulder gently. "Dean you need to take some more meds."

"Mm-mm" he jerked winching as he turned his head toward the voice, not really seeing who was talking to him.

"Open up, do you need to hit the head?" 

Dean shook his head no before he opened his mouth far enough for Sam to slip the pills in and to sip some water. He swallowed most of the water what didn't drip down his chin. Sam used the blanket to wipe his chin and then tucked it back around his neck. He figured it would be an easier trip on both of them if he kept him sedated until he stopped for the night. Sam flipped on the radio and found a station playing mellow music and turned the volume down as he listened to the melody flow around them.  
==============================================================  
Sam found a motel as the sun was sinking below the horizon. He was lucky they had a room on the first floor and no steps to deal with. He grabbed bags out of the trunk and tossed them into the room before going back to get Dean inside.

He carefully opened the door being sure Dean wouldn't fall out. "Dean, wake up, we're stopping for the night." he called leaning back and shaking his shoulder carefully. He had been the brunt of too many right jabs when waking his brother as they were growing up, not to be cautious.

"What…" he jerked regretting it as soon as he moved. Dean sucked in a breath and bit his lower lip trying to determine where he was and what was going on.

"I got us a room, can you make it?"

"Give me a sec."

"Hold on to my arm for balance."

"Sonofabitch!" he hissed trying to get his stiff body out of the car without tearing out his stitches. Getting his feet under him was harder than he expected, but stubborn was his middle name and he managed to get out.

"It's not far, easy, don't bump your arm. Bed or chair?" he asked as they stepped through the doorway.

"Bathroom."

"Right, to the left, I got a handicap room so there should be more space."

"Got it." Dean grunted letting go of Sam's arm and closing the door in his face. Sam waited at the door for a second, listening for a thump. When it didn't come, he busied himself getting the bed ready for Dean.  
==============================================================  
Dean finished and turned the water on looking at his reflection in the mirror. The face staring back was one he didn't recognize. He could see the dark coloring of a bruise on the side of his face, gauze covering a wound, several days growth of beard, dark circles under his eyes and eyes that had a glazed, drug inducted state.

He blinked slowly several times and splashed water on his face before sipping some, swishing it around in his mouth and spitting it back out. His mouth felt like it was full of cotton and tasted like someone slipped him a rotten egg.

"You ok in there?" his younger brother yelled.

"Yeah, yeah." he answered opening the door and looking around.

"Bed or chair?"

"Chair, where are we?"

"About half way, will you be ok while I get us something to eat?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Requests, what do you think you can eat?" 

The thought of food right now made Dean's stomach churn uncomfortably. Sam saw Dean grimace and pale slightly. 

"Why don't I get some soup, maybe crackers."

He just nodded not trusting his voice to answer. Sam grabbed the room key and headed out the door.  
===============================================================  
Juggling the bags and drinks, Sam got the door opened and stepped inside looking over to see Dean still sitting at the table staring off into space. He knew the pain meds were keeping him sluggish. He began to take the food from the bags dividing it. He sat a chef salad to one side for himself and soup, baked potato and crackers for Dean. Dean looked at the food knowing he should eat, but his stomach rebelled.

"Try a couple of crackers at least." Sam suggested opening a packet for him. 

Steadying his nerves, Dean took a bite and chewed slowly. His mouth was so dry he couldn't force it down his throat.

"Drink." Sam stated as he pushed a drink within Dean's reach. He gratefully sucked liquid into his mouth letting it wash the cracker down.

"Thanks."

"How're you feeling and don't say fine."

"Sore, stiff, headache, feels like I got run over by a freight train."

"Any trouble breathing?"

"No."

"Try a little potato."

"Don't rush me."

"You need to eat so you can get your strength back."

"I'm working on it." he hissed forking a small amount of potato and popping it in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed waiting to see if his stomach was going to revolt or allow him to eat. He tried another bite, pausing to sip the drink again. He waited, making sure it would stay down before taking another bite.

"Why did you do it?" Sam asked quietly keeping his eyes focused on his salad. He couldn't look at his brother as he questioned him about the hunt.

"Do what Sammy?"

"Go after a Rougarou, by yourself. You know how dangerous they are Dean."

"It was killing and needed to be stopped."

"Damnit Dean, you could have gotten yourself killed."

"Can we do this later." Dean whispered feeling his stomach clench and bile rise in the back of his throat. Sam saw his distress and didn't press the issue, but this wasn't over by any means. He would find out why Dean did what he did, it was like he wanted to die.

"I need to check your injuries before you lay down." Sam told him changing the subject.

"Ok." he said quietly.

"Try to drink some more, you don't need to get dehydrated." 

Dean obeyed, taking several more sips before stopping. He calmed himself and swallowed the taste of bile in the back of his throat. I won't throw up, he told himself sternly.

"Let me check the wounds, then you need to rest." Sam said pushing his chair back and going to the bathroom to wash up. 

Sam pulled the shirt off Dean's shoulder and down his right arm. He sucked in a deep breath seeing for the first time the extent of the injures. There were dark ugly bruises over most of his back, that he could see. His back, side, and arm had large pads covering the gashes from the attack. The doctors had closed the incision where the chest tube had been. Dean stiffened and the nerve in his jaw twitched and his body tensed in protection mode.

"Relax, I need to move your arm." Sam said removing the sling and taking his arm at the wrist and elbow bringing it up slowly. Dean jerked, trying to pull it back to his body to protect it. "Stop it! I need to do this, now relax." Sam miffed.

Dean tensed his body as Sam removed his shirt. He felt hands taking the injured arm and gently pull it from his side. Pain shot from his arm and ran down his back making him shiver. He tried to pull it back again, but Sam had a strong hold. Black spots swam in front of his eyes as he tried not to pass out. He could here his brother talking, but couldn't understand the words. He was far, far away and all he could see was Sam's moving lips.

"Dean are you hearing me? Let me move your arm, you need to let me do it." Sam urged.   
"Hey, are you hearing me?" he continued getting down at face level. "Dean!" Dean tried to focus on the voice to bring himself back from the brink. Finally his brother's face swam into view. "Stay with me Dean."

"Trying."

"I need to do this so the arm doesn't get stiff."

"Know." he gritted as Sam moved his arm again.

"Breath 'fore you pass out." Sam urged as he peeled the bandage down to check the wound. He didn't see any swelling or redness and went around to check his back and side. Last, he looked at his head wound. They all looked good for now. Sam grabbed a button up shirt out of his bag and began to slip it carefully over Dean's hurt arm. "Here, put this on, it'll be looser." Grabbing the pill bottle he shook one out. "I'm only giving you one to see how you do."

Dean accepted the pill, taking one more sip of his drink to wash it down. His body shook on its own before he could stop it. This didn't escape Sam's watchful gaze as he helped him to the bed. After Dean got comfortable, Sam threw an extra blanket over his body. He laid a cool hand on his forehead felling a slight elevation in his temperature. Sam felt Dean turn slightly toward his hand and left it there for a moment feeling the connection they had always had just out of sight, not close enough for him to latch onto.

The bed felt so good as Dean relaxed into it. The stress of the past days seemed to drain out of him as he tried to move into a comfortable position. He felt the pressure of cool skin on his forehead and turned to it. He knew comfort in that touch, but it bothered him, he was suppose to be on the giving not receiving end. He was the big brother, it was his job to protect, but right now he felt useless. He could feel the meds kicking in, drawing him into the swirling mist of sleep.  
================================================================  
It was easier to come back this time, when Dean's eyes fluttered opened and he surveyed the room. He saw his baby brother passed out on the other bed still fully clothed. He was snoring softly as Dean shifted trying to swing his legs off the bed so he could sit up. Biting back a groan, he panted heavily as he balanced on the edge of the bed. Every stitch pulled as he got to his feet swaying unsteadily. He needed to use the bathroom and didn't want to wake Sam. Sliding his feet across the carpet he inched his way toward the door.

"Dean, what the hell, why didn't you wake me?" Sam complained jumping up and grabbing his arm before he fell.

"I can do it." he fussed throwing off his hand.

"Let me help you before you face plant."

"Fine!" he gritted out accepting his help.

"Lean on me, I don't want you pulling your stitches out."

"I got it now."

"Do you want another pain pill?"

"No, they make me feel too drugged."

"Dean quit being a hard ass and take it."

"I said I was ok." he growled opening the door.

"Well you don't look it. Do you feel like leaving or going back to bed?"

"What time is it?"

"Five am."

"Let's leave." he said sitting in a chair and drawing in a shallow breath.  
===============================================================  
Sam looked over at Dean as the scenery flashed by the passenger window. He had gone back to sleep thirty minutes into the drive. He still couldn't get him to take the pain meds, but at least he agreed to some aspirin for his fever. His brother could be hardheaded and that worried him. Dean had been through major pain and suffering thorough out his life. He knew how to hide it so no one else saw. No matter what was thrown at him, he just kept pushing on.

The doctor told him to watch for signs of fever and infection. He must have missed cleaning a wound with holy water, so there was no telling the germs the claws could have left. He planned on checking them more thoroughly once they got back to the bunker. Hopefully, between now and then the fever wouldn't get worse.  
===============================================================  
Dean's eyes flickered back and forth under his lids as he relived a hunt from years ago. It had not gone as planned and Sam and him were both hurt pretty bad. He took the brunt of the injuries protecting Sam as best he could. His body jerked and he moaned as he saw himself thrown across the warehouse. Then images fast forwarded to Dean trying to save Ellen and Jo and just as the building blew he was jerked awake by Sam patting his face lightly.

"Damnit Dean wake up, you're dreaming." Sam called to him. Dean jerked awake to see they were stopped on the side of the road. He looked over at a concerned Sam who was eyeing him warily. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, it was nothing."

"That wasn't nothing. I thought you were going to jump out of the car." 

Dean looked away and tried to slow down his breathing as his headache got worse. He wiped the sweat off his brow and searched for his bottle of water.

"Aspirin?"

"Here." Sam pulled the bottle out of his coat pocket and shook two into Dean's waiting hand. His hand shook at he popped them in his mouth and followed them with water. Sam didn't comment on his shaking as he pulled the car back onto the road. His brother ignored him and withdrew more into himself.  
================================================================  
They made it back to the bunker without further incidents. Sam pulled into the garage and parked the Impala where Dean liked to leave it. He went around to Dean's side, opening the door and waiting for him to move on his own.

Dean stilled himself as he swung his legs out and used the frame to pull himself up. The world started swimming for a moment as he tried to steady himself. Sam tensed waiting to see if he needed to assist, knowing his brother wanted to do it himself.

"I need to change your bandages and check the wounds. I think I missed cleaning one with holy water."

"Can't it wait?"

"No, it needs to be done now. I'll use the bathroom near your room."

"Fine!" he muttered pushing off the car and walking unsteadily toward the bedroom area with Sam hovering close behind him.

His body wanted to rebel as he clinched his jaw tightly and willed himself to put one foot in front of the other. He would not show weakness, he could do this, Dean thought. The bathroom was only twenty feet away, he paused for a moment putting his hand out to steady himself with the wall. He willed himself to continue to the bathroom.

Sam stood by the bathroom door waiting, letting Dean set his own pace. He finally stepped into the room and Sam guided him to a chair he had sitting by the cabinet. Dean sat down hard and winced.

"Here, drink." 

Sam wanted to get holy water in him to hopefully attack the poison inside his body. Dean accepted the glass and downed it in a couple of swallows.

He helped him remove his shirt and tossed it aside. "I'm going to take these pads off and check for infection first." Dean grunted and let his head hang forward toward his chest.

His body felt warm, but he could feel a chill going up his spine even thought Sam had the heat going full blast. Sam started with the head wound, peeling the tape off and examining it with a critical eye. Taking a cloth soaked in holy water he cleaned it and then used peroxide.

"Hey, I'm dripping."

"Sorry, almost done here."

"Good."

Sam continued to Dean's left arm holding it over the sink so he could pour holy water and then peroxide.

"The stitches can come out in a couple more days." He only replaced the pad for the incision after giving it a once over.

"Good, they're starting to itch."

"Don't scratch. Turn around in the chair so I can get to your back." Dean held on to the cabinet as he turned to straddle the chair exposing his back.

Sam put a towel on the back of the chair to make it more comfortable for his brother. He looked around in one of the drawers and found the ear thermometer. "Hold still, let me check your temp."

"Sam.." Dean whined.

"Got it." Sam looked at the reading 100.8, he frowned and turned back to his brother's back. He began removing the pads down his back and across his left shoulder and then he saw it on the lower part of his back. He could see swelling and redness at the bottom of one of the cuts.

"Dean, I need to open and clean an area. This is going to be uncomfortable."

"Just do it."

Picking up scissors, he snipped the lower stitches removing them with tweezers. After sterilizing a pen knife and stilling his hand he took it and opened up the incision enough to let pus and blood flow out. He could feel Dean tense under his touch as he carefully wiped it and poured holy water over it, catching the overflow on a towel.

Grabbing a clean hand towel, he tucked it into Dean's pants. Sam poured peroxide slowly over the wound and watch it bubble furiously. He did this several times until there was no bubbling and it ran clear.

"I'm going to sew it up now."

"How bad?"

"Only need to put six or seven stitches. Looks like the only place and then you can rest." 

Sam expertly pushed the needle through his brother's skin catching the other side and pulling the opening closed. They had been stitching each other up or tending to their own injuries their entire life. This was nothing new for him.

"Done?" he muffled resting his head on the towel.

"Yes, do you want a pain pill?"

"No, I can handle it."

"You need to take some aspirin at least, try and keep this fever down."

"Yes mother."

"I'll get you another of my shirts." he commented heading down the hall to his room. He jerked another button up out of his drawer and rushed back to the bathroom to find it empty. Panic set in for a moment as he looked up and down the hall and crossed to Dean's bedroom. He found him sitting on the bed with a bottle of whiskey in his hand.  
Walking slowly over to him, he slipped it from his grasp and sat it on the nightstand. Dean let him slip his hurt arm into the sleeve of the shirt and pull it around and onto the other one. After buttoning it, Sam rested his hand on Dean's shoulder for a moment before Dean pulled away and laid down.

"Look, I'm going to take a quick shower and I'll be back to check on you."

"I'm fine." Dean said void of any emotion. He closed his eyes shutting Sam out. Sam draped a blanket over his prone body before turning off the overhead light and switching on the small lamp on the nightstand, also taking the whiskey bottle with him. He paused briefly at the door and looked back one more time at Dean.  
===============================================================  
Sam pulled a chair closer to Dean's bed as he made himself comfortable. He had showered and changed clothes and felt a little more human. He carefully place his palm on Dean's forehead, feeling heat before it made complete contact. He felt warmer than before and concern crossed over his brother's face. Sam wrung out the cloth and laid it across his forehead. He sat back rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes not feeling comfortable leaving his brother alone. Beside him being sick, he was afraid he would try and leave again.  
================================================================  
Dean tried his best to not sleep, but his body needed rest. As he sunk deeper into sleep, images floated in his mind he couldn't quite lock on to. He tried to focus on them, but quick burst of pain kept them at bay. The pain was making it hard to breath and he started panting trying to draw more oxygen into his lungs.  
===============================================================  
Sam had nodded off when he heard small panicked cries coming from Dean. His body was trembling and twitching under the blanket as Sam sat down beside him. He laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. Dean jerked under his touch and mumbled something he couldn't quite understand. Sam rubbed his back, careful of his injuries, trying to get Dean to calm down.

"Hey, I'm here, calm down." Sam said calmly. "Dean, can you hear me?"

Dean rolled his head back and forth trying to fight his way back. With some difficulty, Sam managed to pull Dean up on his chest where he could hug him. Dean's head rested on Sam's heart. He could hear the steady thump in his ear. Hearing the heartbeat seemed to make Dean calm slightly. Sam continued to talk softly to Dean as he listened to his breathing even out and his body relax into his. He pulled the blanket over both of them and tried to settle in. His eyelids grew heavy as his breathing slowed and he drifted under.  
===============================================================  
Dean could hear a steady beat in his ear as he swam toward consciousness. His senses were waking up, he could hear the beat, he could feel warmth, he could smell a familiar scent, cracking his eyes, he could just make out the outline of his brother's shoulder. Frowning and determining he was lying on his brother's chest, he started trying to push off.

"Dean, lay still." Sam mumbled rubbing his back automatically.

"Sam, let me up." Dean grunted. Sam woke up as Dean was pushing up off his chest.

"What's wrong?"

"What happened?"

"You were having a nightmare and I tried to calm you so you wouldn't tear open the stitches."

"Oh." he said laying down beside him. Sam felt his forehead checking for fever.

"You're not as hot, probably wouldn't hurt to take some more aspirin." he commented more to himself than to Dean. Sam got up, grabbed the bottle and shook two out. He gave them to Dean along with some water. With Sam's help he raised up long enough to take the pills and a sip of water.

"How long was I out?"

"Er-er four hours or so. Need anything?"

"No, maybe I'll try to rest a little longer."

"Ok, I'll go fix us something to eat."

Dean watched him leave his bedroom and closed his eyes trying to remember, he flashed back to the hunt. He had been badly injured and Sam had found him. He told Sam to let him die, but he didn't. He had tended his wounds and got him to the hospital. What he couldn't understand was after all that he had said to him, why did he do it? Why was he taking care of him? He tried rest until Sam returned to the bedroom.  
================================================================  
"Hey how 'bout some food?" Sam asked. 

He sat a tray down and turned helping Dean sit up pulling pillows behind him. He sat the tray in his lap arranging the food so Dean could easily reach it.

Dean looked down at the sandwiches, chips and drinks. Sam scooted the chair closer and took a plate balancing it on his lap so he could eat. Dean watched him take a bite of it and chew slowly.

"Sam what are you doing?" he asked quietly running a finger over the sandwich.

"What?" Sam asked looking up from the bite he was about to take.

"This? We've barely spoke in months and now…"

"You're hurt, you need help."

"So after I'm better, we just go back the way it was? Walking around each other, ignoring each other like total strangers?" Dean questioned Sam.

"Dean I…"

"You wanted truth, I asked you to let me die out there, why didn't you do what you said?"

"I never wanted to you die Dean, you went on a suicide mission hoping to die. You didn't want to come back from that hunt because if I hadn't found you, you would be dead right now." Sam said angrily as his voice got louder. "And you won't convince me otherwise."

"Sam, man, you can't have it both ways. You either don't talk and ignore me or we talk and decide if we stay together or go our separate ways. Just give me a day to rest and I can be out of here. I can't take the way we were, if that's how it's going to be, there's nothing here for me." he stated looking away from his brother.

Sam stiffened at his response not sure what to say as he dropped his sandwich on his plate and swallowed back the lump that was forming in his throat. He knew he had pushed Dean farther than he should have. He destroyed his big brother. He took away what was most important in his life, himself. Sam was his reason to keep on living. He saw that now, Dean was his big brother, his friend, his co-worker, his protector, his mom and dad. He felt shame and guilt over the hurt and pain he had caused his brother.

"Dean, look…man…what can I say to make this right? I know I hurt you, but Dean, you've got to understand, so much has been taken from me. My choices have not been my own for nearly my entire life, I have to make my own decisions where my life is going, I'm not that kid anymore that you need to constantly look after, you need to let me grow up." he begged hoping his brother will listen to him for once. "Let me decide my fate."

Dean slid the tray aside and tried to turn to face his brother. Sam quickly set his plate down and assisted him in sitting on the edge of the bed. Dean took a shaky breath weighting the words Sam had said before looking up at him.

"Sammy, I hear you, I do. I know you don't need me anymore, but it's hard to stop doing something I've been doing my whole life, looking out for my baby brother. We have been nothing but pawns for Heaven and Hell and those in between. We have been used and abused by the worst of them, but we always found a way to overcome it all. You know how, because we stood side by side, together. We are stronger together than we ever were apart. You know it and I know it."

"I just want to make it right again. I will always need my big brother in my life, just understand I can take care of myself, you don't need to protect me from everything. You need to take care of yourself. Dean, this mark, we have no idea what it's going to do to you. I could lose you and I don't want that to happen." Sam sobbed softly noticing Dean rub his arm where the mark was and not even know he was doing it.

"Hey, we'll get thru this together, ok?" Dean replied pulling his brother into an embrace. Sam allowed Dean to hold him before putting his arms around him, returning the embrace. This was how it should be, them together, facing whatever fate threw at them good or bad. Together they would figure it out and keep each other sane. The road might be a rough one, but that was how it usually was for them and they would come out swinging.


End file.
